Vacation

I've taken 2 vacation days this week - Monday and Tuesday - and for all the good it's done me, I shouldn't really have bothered.  Rather than 2 days, what I really need is 2 weeks vacation.  Or even 2 months.  The last few weeks of work have been awful - not really feeling dialed in, not really feeling in the least bit motivated, not really feeling I'm doing a good job.  You could say I'm suffering from the L's - lethargic, listless, lazy and lonely.  I'm sure I could come up with some more words beginning with L to describe my mood if I really put my mind to it!  But yes I am feeling increasingly disillusioned with the job - none more so than during a team meeting today.  It felt politicized - myself and someone else are about to start work on new studies, and I get the distinct impression that we are being played/pitted against each other.  The meeting also exposed some clear favoritism - and I am definitely on the outside looking in.  This doesn't come as a surprise, but it's not fun to feel left out and unable/unwilling to contribute to any of the discussions going on during this meeting.  Perhaps there is a loss of confidence thing going on here as well.  Perhaps it's because my career has kind of reached a ceiling - which should be okay because I don't want nor need the extra responsibility and stress that comes with promotion - but I can't help feeling bitter when I see people getting promoted who totally don't deserve it.  Would love to know how much my colleagues earn - I'm sure I'm probably also being shortchanged on my salary and bonus, even though I'm quite happy with what I'm getting.  So much for keeping these blog posts positive.  But such is my mood today - I apologize.