Typical Me

Well, it will be one month tomorrow until my current lease expires.  And I still haven’t found somewhere new to live.  And it is stressing me out.  Big time.  I’m still caught somewhere between wanting to move and not wanting to move.  I scan the ads for places to rent all the time now, but even those that might be of interest I find something in either the photos or description that puts up red flags for me.  I don’t know.  I want to move away from Seattle next year, so is the time and effort (and expense) of a short term move now worth it?  This is a perfect microcosm of why I don’t actually own my house yet (and, arguably, many more aspects of my life) – never getting that balance right of short-term versus long-term plans and desires, and then never following through on those plans and regretting my choices and my indecision.  Undeniably, my apartment is hellish during summer – from the noise of neighbors and kids to how hot my apartment gets, and everything in between.  But a lot of things are symptomatic of my habit of staying at home too much – I need to get out more, and staying put might give me the push to do just that.  Also, with the money saved from not moving (most of the places I would consider moving to are up to $500 more rent a month, plus however much it would cost to actually move) could be spent on going away on weekend excursions.  That sounds good to me.  But I think I really need somewhere nicer to live, and a better quality of home life – and I mean REALLY need, for the sake of my sanity and mental health.  I think I’m going to give myself 1 more week to find somewhere.  If I can’t, then I’ll see if I can stay put.  That might not even be a possibility – I’ve already signed documentation confirming my move-out date – in which case I’ll have to take what I can get.  We shall see.  At times like this I can’t help but reflect on the past.  How things would have been different had I not been laid off in San Diego at the end of 2005.  That was the last time I was truly happy with my job and where I lived – I actually had my signed lease renewal in my possession on the day I was laid off.  I wonder if I will ever feel that way again?!