Number Two

I have a number two problem.  Not medical, but psychological.  I can't do number twos at work.  This is nothing new, I just cannot and never have and don't really know why - number one is no issue, though hardly pleasant because somebody at work has a serious aim problem.  This might be racially insensitive of me, but I suspect one of my Asian colleagues might be more used to a hole in the floor than a urinal (wouldn't that make your aim better?).  Anyway I digress, not being able to do number twos at work can be a problem.  Like today.  There was some free lunch going at work.  But the vultures are prevalent, so you have to act quickly.  Unfortunately the e-mail about the food went out at 10.30, but by the actual time that I went there it was 11.30 and all the best food had gone.  But there was some left, if a bit cold (think rice and veg), so I was able to have a little something.  However, a short time later I could feel my stomach turning.  Something was amiss.  Something was seriously disagreeing with me.  I don't know if I was the only one suffering - but I wasn't going to wait around to find out.  So hopped in my car, went home, and did my business there - and not a moment too soon as I'm not sure how longer I could've held it in.  But at least in the comfort of familiar surroundings.  And then worked from home for the rest of the afternoon.  Yes, a lot of time and effort just to avoid going to number twos at work - but c'est la vie (and a LOT pleasanter commute at that time!).  No regrets.  This is the least of my problems!