Job Update

So, it might be possible that my job satisfaction has reached a new low now.  And, I fear, this might be having the effect of making me into a bad employee.  I am miserable, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, slow and lazy – and this is starting to eclipse whatever skills and smarts I might possess, especially when I’m given so little opportunities to show my skills and smarts.  And I hate this.  This is not how I want to be.  Without a radical and extremely unlikely career change, I know I am never going to be as passionate about my job as I’d like to be.  But I would hope to get some degree of job fulfillment, and perhaps the thing I crave most is respect.  And that is something I don’t have currently – it’s not that I don’t deserve it, I’ve just had no opportunities to earn it.  It is very dispiriting – especially with a manager who, intentionally or unintentionally, I’m just not very compatible with and who simply doesn’t get me.  I fear my mental faculties are waning, I fear complacency, I fear irrelevance.  It’s, once again, making me seriously question my future.  Especially as I don’t see change coming to my position any time soon – there has been absolutely zero feedback so far since I made some of my concerns known to management about my situation.  And that is incredibly disappointing.  Those meetings went well, and I came away optimistic that something would change for the better.  I should know better when it comes to this place.  This is the same place that agreed upon and then rescinded a leave of absence I requested when I worked there before, so I quit.  Without change coming next year, I don’t see any recourse but quitting again.  It’s déjà vu – I don’t want to leave, but what choice do I have?