Round 2

Round 2 – semi-finals – of the ping pong tournament (advanced bracket) today at work.  My opponent was something of a wild card – someone I had never played before, and never even see play before.  The result: 11-8 11-6 11-4.  A comprehensive win, where I wasn’t really challenged and didn’t need to go out of second gear.  She was advanced enough to use a penholder grip and had a wicked forehand if I left it short on that side.  Unfortunately, that was the only good shot she had and so I was able to play around it – so it proved to be a comfortable, but ultimately unsatisfying, win.  The final is going to be a different proposition against the pre-tournament favorite, and during a happy hour at work with a much bigger crowd.  Yikes.

Why Texas Sucks

The all too common response to a mass shooting in America that drives me absolutely nuts:

“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

So very frustrating and totally illogical, but not especially surprising in a place like Texas where guns and concealed carry permits are particularly prevalent – the only place I’ve ever worked at where it was actually necessary to have a sign at the workplace entrance to ask people not to take firearms into the office.

My Mood

Another mass shooting, another cycle - mass shooting, pleas for gun control from democrats and celebrities, silence from republicans, nothing happens, forget about it, until the next mass shooting.

Bills

When it rains it pours.  My electric bill was double what it was last month.  And probably going to get even worse with the amount I'm running the heating now.  My TIME magazine just got automatically renewed at over double the rate that I've seen it advertised for.  My internet/TV bill has increased this month because some of my bundle discounts have expired.  My car insurance rate and car registration costs are outrageous.  What am I, made of money?  And why do all these things seem to happen at the same time?  And I need to buy a load of new clothes since my current stuff is falling apart - just this week I lost a belt, a top and some jeans through wear and tear.  It might be time to cut down on my more material purchases (says the person who just ordered a few new Blu rays from Amazon!).  I also really need to buy a new mattress and a new sofa.  In fact, I would really like to buy a whole new lot of everything.  Oh boy.  For those of you who want more positive blog posts from me, you're going to have to wait!

Round 1

Today was my first game in the work table tennis tournament – Round 1 (quarter-finals) in the advanced bracket.  I’m probably seeded number 2 in the tournament – 3rd best player at work, but our best player is out injured so I've a reasonable chance of making it to the final.  Or so I thought.  The final score in Round 1: 7-11 11-4 11-5.  The only saving grace, I won.  But much, much closer than it should have been against a much inferior opponent, and a terrible, terrible first game – I was tight, I was nervous, and I couldn’t hit anything.  Fortunately got over it in the 2nd and 3rd games to avoid the shock defeat, but a tragic reminder of just how bad my glossophobia is (something I’ve come to recognize that I suffer acutely from).  This wasn’t speech anxiety, but a similar kind of anxiety that manifested itself when playing table tennis in front of a bunch of people.  I’m going to have to cope with my nerves a lot better if I’m going to progress.  Especially since my style of play should be crowd-pleasing – I’m a power player who likes to go all out on my shots.  Sadly, that style is very susceptible to nerves, and I refuse to adjust my style to the dark arts of spin.  You live by the sword, you die by the sword.     

PS It snowed today.  SNOW!  This is much earlier than normal.  It was quite pretty, and fortunately didn’t accumulate in most places.  But still, a bad omen for this winter.  I’ve already bought some ice melt stuff because I’m worried about being able to get my car down the long and steep driveway in icy conditions.

Job Update

So, it might be possible that my job satisfaction has reached a new low now.  And, I fear, this might be having the effect of making me into a bad employee.  I am miserable, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, slow and lazy – and this is starting to eclipse whatever skills and smarts I might possess, especially when I’m given so little opportunities to show my skills and smarts.  And I hate this.  This is not how I want to be.  Without a radical and extremely unlikely career change, I know I am never going to be as passionate about my job as I’d like to be.  But I would hope to get some degree of job fulfillment, and perhaps the thing I crave most is respect.  And that is something I don’t have currently – it’s not that I don’t deserve it, I’ve just had no opportunities to earn it.  It is very dispiriting – especially with a manager who, intentionally or unintentionally, I’m just not very compatible with and who simply doesn’t get me.  I fear my mental faculties are waning, I fear complacency, I fear irrelevance.  It’s, once again, making me seriously question my future.  Especially as I don’t see change coming to my position any time soon – there has been absolutely zero feedback so far since I made some of my concerns known to management about my situation.  And that is incredibly disappointing.  Those meetings went well, and I came away optimistic that something would change for the better.  I should know better when it comes to this place.  This is the same place that agreed upon and then rescinded a leave of absence I requested when I worked there before, so I quit.  Without change coming next year, I don’t see any recourse but quitting again.  It’s déjà vu – I don’t want to leave, but what choice do I have?

Thermostats

As the weather starts to get colder (some possible lowland snow is forecast for the weekend!), I am discovering new issues with my house.  I don't have central heating - but I do have a digital thermostat that controls the main heaters downstairs.  This works like a dream.  However, I also have other heaters that are controlled by analogue thermostats (such as in the kitchen and main bedroom) - and these do NOT work like a dream.  They are supposed to be temperature-controlled, but they don't seem to be affected by changes in temperature - essentially they are either on or off depending on how much I turn the dial.  That is frustrating - particularly for the one in my bedroom.  I can either leave it on and wake up way too hot or leave it off and wake up freezing.  Not good.  I think I need to let my landlord know, in the hope that he can do something about it.